Loving him was dark sometimes. The slow chills I got every time he rolled his eyes on me. Those cold nights when he wouldn't be home. Every time he said I love You with a dying passion. Those milliseconds of awkwardness every time I said something stupid. Those times when he ignored me to talk to the younger, more beautiful, perkier girls at parties. Most importantly at times when i felt insecure about him not loving my body.
I remember the times when we were crazy in love. He was not always the man that he is now. He made me feel like the most beautiful girl in this world, every day, all day long. Even at times when I was down with fever. Even at mornings when my face didn't have a touch of makeup. Even when I was home in my cozy flowery pajamas and dad's shirt. He never let me feel insecure about my body type which I know has never been the sexy kind. I love him. I loved him. I never thought that a day would come when the man I married would make me feel alone in a room full of people.
I was myself around him. Any irrelevant, nonsense thing I said, he listened as if I were reciting a verse from Shakespeare's plays. The way he just gazed into my eyes with a slight smile whenever I started talking stupid, like a 5 year old. Oh he loved me.
.... And here we are now. He came home late today. I was in the living room and he just walked past me. Like I was some ghost that reminded him of a boring, old life that he has. Like I was some stalking stranger whom he was trying so hard not to talk to. I asked him to join me for dinner. He just turned around and looked at me with those cold eyes. Looking right past me. Not even a bit of warmth. I felt cold inside.
People ask me, how did my love of 10 years fall apart. And honestly, I still don't have the answers. It was like a candle. Bright and high at first and then slowing melting away. I only found out our light was dying when complete darkness took over. 'Cause honestly, the whole time, though the candle was burning away, the light never faded. It was always glowing. There was always light. How could I ever doubt something that made me happy? Something that kept me warm?
I remember the times when we were crazy in love. He was not always the man that he is now. He made me feel like the most beautiful girl in this world, every day, all day long. Even at times when I was down with fever. Even at mornings when my face didn't have a touch of makeup. Even when I was home in my cozy flowery pajamas and dad's shirt. He never let me feel insecure about my body type which I know has never been the sexy kind. I love him. I loved him. I never thought that a day would come when the man I married would make me feel alone in a room full of people.
I was myself around him. Any irrelevant, nonsense thing I said, he listened as if I were reciting a verse from Shakespeare's plays. The way he just gazed into my eyes with a slight smile whenever I started talking stupid, like a 5 year old. Oh he loved me.
.... And here we are now. He came home late today. I was in the living room and he just walked past me. Like I was some ghost that reminded him of a boring, old life that he has. Like I was some stalking stranger whom he was trying so hard not to talk to. I asked him to join me for dinner. He just turned around and looked at me with those cold eyes. Looking right past me. Not even a bit of warmth. I felt cold inside.
People ask me, how did my love of 10 years fall apart. And honestly, I still don't have the answers. It was like a candle. Bright and high at first and then slowing melting away. I only found out our light was dying when complete darkness took over. 'Cause honestly, the whole time, though the candle was burning away, the light never faded. It was always glowing. There was always light. How could I ever doubt something that made me happy? Something that kept me warm?
Well written. The words made me almost feel like you were living this life.
ReplyDeleteWow...u write awesome
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